They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
