I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
