Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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