You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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