Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
