I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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