Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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