So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
