also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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