I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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