Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
