mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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