My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize