party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
