Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
