So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
