Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
