is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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