As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I AM VODKA MAN
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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