Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
