If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
