Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
