She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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