sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
