I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
