No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
