It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
smell my finger.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
