You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
