hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
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I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
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We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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