Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
