But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
