i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
