YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
