you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
