I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
