Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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