went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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