420 ftw
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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