While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
