Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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