he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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