I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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