Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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