he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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