guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
