I just saw a hot homeless man
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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