break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
