can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
