Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
