why didn't you poke me back
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
