The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
