Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
