the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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