That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
