I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
