i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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