I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
