The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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