just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
A bitchslap is in order.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
