I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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