the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
