STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
