What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
not ubering you a puppy
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
