I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
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I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize