...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
