I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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