trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
