I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
3 2 1 whiskey
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
