Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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