Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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