the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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