I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
