I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
